Hands Down
by Queen of Kaos
Summary: Ryan and Marissa are happy to accept that they never worked as a couple, and move on with other people. Seth and Summer aren't so ready to let them. Throw in some interference by wellmeaning parents, and watch the good times roll.
1. Bottom Feeders

In Ryan Atwood's opinion, lunch was the worst part of his Harbor School days. It wasn't even the food's fault, like most cafeterias. It was the insanely limited amount of seating provided for the hundreds of students released on the quad at noon every day. His architect's mind scolded whoever designed the layout every time he tried to find an empty table and ended up sitting on the ground alone, or with someone he barely knew and didn't really like.

"Hey, Connor," Ryan called out as a young man with floppy blonde curls looked up and waved him over. Connor Matthews was on his soccor team, and he was proving to be a pretty great guy. He and Ryan shared a love for the same kinds of literature, the same movies and music, and the same girls.

Ryan smiled to himself as he made his way over to the table and thought about the day Connor had so nervously asked if he thought it would be okay to ask Marissa on a date. Ryan explained that he and Marissa were long over and done and that he didn't care who she dated. It wasn't entirely true, but as long as the guy was good enough for his first love, who was Ryan Atwood to judge anyone.

"Hey, man," Ryan greeted, sliding into the chair across from Connor as the kid put his book down and looked up with a perplexed expression. "How's it goin'?" he asked.

Connor shook those floppy blonde curls that made all the girls at Harbor crazy. "I think not so good," he admitted.

Ryan unscrewed the lid from his juice bottle and settled back in the chair, squinting against the sun as he tried to focus on Connor's face. "Oh," was all he could think to say. They were friends, teammates - but Ryan wasn't so sure they were at the "sharing all our problems" stage yet.

"I think Marissa's breakin' up with me," he muttered, popping a french fry into his mouth and then turning his gaze to Ryan. His eyes were begging for some sort of explanation.

"Why?" was all Ryan gave him.

Leaning forward, his elbows resting on the table, Connor tucked a curl behind his ear. "I don't know, man. I thought things were goin' really well. We have a great time together - we talk for hours about nothing. I thought it was perfect," he sighed and rested his face in his hands for a second. When Ryan gave no response, Connor spoke again. "I don't know what I did wrong."

Ryan thought he knew what the problem was, but he wasn't sure he should say anything. Or how to tactfully say it. "I'm sure it's nothing you did. It's just that," he stopped and thought the words over again. "Well, Marissa doesn't have a really long attention span, ya know?" Did that make her sound flighty? Because he hadn't meant to. Connor looked confused. "It's just that she has this history of. . ."

"Breakin' hearts and takin' names?" Connor interrupted.

"No, man, that's not it." He was getting flustered. He always got flustered when he couldn't think of the right thing to say. His natural MO was just to say nothing, but when someone expected words, and he didn't know which ones, he felt out of place all over again. "Ya know how some girls have types? Like, they only date a certain kind of guy?"

Connor nodded and leaned back in his chair, exhaustion showing on his face. Clearly, he had been thinking about this a lot. "So what is Marissa's type? Blonde soccor players? I mean, Luke, and you, and me?"

"Marissa's type is whatever makes her mom the maddest." The words were out of his mouth before he could reign them, but Ryan wasn't sure why he felt so bad for saying them. Or he did know why, and he didn't want to admit that it. He wasn't sure it should bother him that the words would hurt Marissa, if she ever found out about them. Even after nearly a year of not dating, he still worried about her, and cared about her, and thought about her sometimes.

"Right," Connor's broad shoulders sagged. "So you think she's just with me because Julie doesn't like me?" Ryan wanted to tell him that Julie Cooper-Nichol never liked anyone, but Connor didn't give him time. "Ya know what pisses me off about that whole thing? She did like me - she liked me fine until she found out what my parents do for a living. Now I'm not good enough for her daughter."

It was true. Julie had loved Connor, with his movie star good looks and his polite mannerisms and his athletic talent. She had practically swooned over him at the first party Marissa had taken him to. And then she found out that Dewayne Matthews worked for the Newport Beach Department of Sanitation. Compounded with the fact that his mom, Priscilla, worked double shifts at a low-class diner to make ends meet, and Connor was at Harbor on a soccor scholarship - he didn't stand a chance of impressing Julie Cooper after that.

And that's when Marissa had jumped into their relationship full throttle. _Anything to piss Julie off _- that was her motto. Ryan knew it, but telling Connor would have been betraying Marissa, or so he had thought. Now looking at the dejected look on his friend's face, he wondered if he should have said something in the beginning. "Hey, don't worry about it, man," he tried to offer some solace. "She did the same thing to me once."

Connor raised an eyebrow in protest. "Really?" he asked, his voice full of disbelief. "Because she seems to think you're the only one Marissa has ever, or will ever, really love," he pouted.

Cringing, Ryan leaned forward. "That's just the line she pulls on all of Marissa's, um," he was going to say "boyfriends," but that wasn't accurate. She had pulled it on Alex, too, "her friends that don't measure up to Cooper-Nichol Perfection Status."

The green-eyed blonde just tossed an uneaten fry from one side of his plate to the other. "That helps a lot," he said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Ryan smiled and relaxed into his own seat. The sun was bright today, like most days, and he was feeling better than usual. "I don't know if this'll make you feel better," he spoke, his voice distracted as he searched the quad, "but she starred in a porn once."

"Marissa?" Connor asked, his voice raising an octave.

"Julie," Ryan clarified as Connor nearly choked on his sports drink. "It was a long time ago - it's old news, but sometimes, when she really pisses me off - I think of that. And I feel a little better."

There was a long and comfortable silence between them as they watched their classmates and nibbled on their lunches. Finally, Connor spoke into the air. "So, what makes you so shiney? I mean, how did you get into Julie's good graces? How come your are the measuring stick for all of Marissa's future romantic endeavors?"

Ryan rolled his neck and noticed that Seth Cohen was now standing alone by a tree, scanning the tables. Ryan motioned to him while speaking. "I think I'm just the least of the evils at this point," he explained. "Someone with a better pedigree and less of a criminal background comes along, and I'm back with the bottom feeders," he assured his friend.

Connor nodded. "Strangely? That makes me feel better than the whole porn thing."

Ryan laughed with him as Seth sat at the table. He had a feeling things were about to get uncomfortable. Seth wasn't a big fan of Connor's, and visa versa. They were oil and water, and Ryan was expected to be the buffer. Some days he didn't mind and sometimes he wanted to kick the crap out of both of them for being so immature. Fortunately, today was one of the former. "What's up, man?"

Seth shook his head and accepted Ryan's handshake as he began to open his own juice. Ryan did a double-take as he looked over his best friend. The normally "geek chic" Seth Cohen had been replaced with a rather stylish, "jeans and polo shirt" guy who was wearing a messenger bag and some expensive, designer sunglasses. "What's with the look, man?"

Seth looked himself over and shrugged it off. "Summer took me shopping yesterday," he said flippantly.

"Dude, how many times do I have to tell you that she is not 'taking' you shopping if you have to pay for everything," Ryan laughed.

Seth just doctored the hotdog on his plate. "That is not the point, Ryan," he explained.

Connor shook his head as he looked over the kid in front of him. He usually thought Cohen was weird, but at least he was always individual. Until now. "The point is that your girlfriend conned you into paying for the reworking of your entire personality," he accused.

"Um," Seth said before he settled back and took a bit of his hotdog. He chewed and swallowed before looking back at his company to find them staring at him. "This is me ignoring both of you," he informed, and then put the lunch down. "Of course, then I have no one else to talk to, so that's not really gonna work for me. So, Ryan, I heard you might be going to the library charity event with one Macy Campbell." Ryan stared at him blankly. "Might there be any truth to that rumor, buddy?"

Ryan shrugged, a smile spreading over his face at the mention of his new girlfriend's name. "There might be."

Connor laughed. He was glad that Macy and Ryan were getting along so well. It was one less thing he had to worry about in his relationship with Marissa. "That's means "yes" in the very difficult to discern language of Atwood," he explained to Seth.

Who did not appreciate the translation. Ryan was his best friend, and Seth was well aware of what he meant, usually before Ryan knew. "Yeah, I got that. Thanks, though," he snapped slightly before turning back to Ryan. "I just heard from a little bird names Summer that Marissa Cooper might be back on the market soon," he said in that voice that feigned innocence so poorly.

"Seth," Ryan warned. This was the part of relationship tight rope that he hated more than anything.

But Connor just shook his head and stood up. "It's okay. I have to get to class anyway." He held a hand out for Ryan, who shook it willingly. "See ya later, man."

When he was out of earshot, Ryan rapt Seth on the back of the head with an open palm. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Seth shrugged, his eyes wide as if he had done nothing wrong. "What?" He looked after Connor and then rolled his eyes. "Summer says they've practically broken up. That means you guys can get back together now. We can be the Fantastic Four again."

Ryan knew it was a fantasy that Seth had been holding on to since the last time he and Marissa had broken up. And, in all fairness, he had reason to hold on to the hope. They had broken up and gotten back together more times than he could count. But this time, he knew it wasn't meant to be. He just stood and gathered his tray, speaking to Seth as he prepared to head to class. "It's never going back to the way it was, Seth. Just let it go, man."


	2. A Balanced Universe

Seth was ready to let the entire Ryan/Marissa situation go, just as his friend had asked, by the time he got to the Student Union after lunch to meet up with Summer.

His girlfriend, however, was not. "So?" She waited until he sat and greeted Marissa before pouncing. "Is it true?"

"What?" Seth asked blankly.

Summer gave him her patented "don't fuck with me, Cohen" look. "Do the words "rage blackout" mean anything to you?"

He cleared his throat and shot an apologetic look at Marissa. "Yeah, it's true. Ryan is definitely taking Macy Campbell to the library charity."

Summer huffed and crossed her arms. "That is so bogus. Did you talk to him? Tell him the master plan?"

Seth threw his hands up in defeat. "I tried, Summer. But he seems to think being dumped several times by the same girl is grounds for not asking that girl out again. I don't know what else you want me to do."

She wanted to stomp her feet, but since they didn't reach the floor from the couch they were sitting on, she settled for a loud sigh and a pout. "But they are Ryan and Marissa."

Marissa just tucked her hair behind her ear. "Sum, it's okay," she assured, focusing on the text book in front of her. Or pretending to focus, at least.

"No, Coop, it's not," Summer insisted. And the crossed arms started flailing at her sides once again. "Every time you get into another dead end relationship, you know you're trying to make it like it was. And you know it's never like it was because its not Ryan. You're never going to love anyone like that again."

Seth nearly laughed and wrapped an arm around Summer's thin shoulders in hopes of calming her down a little bit. "Um, Summer? She's only eighteen. It's not like her life is over right now, okay? Calm down."

But being spoken to as a child never made Summer Roberts happy. She turned on her boyfriend. "I can't calm down. If there is no Ryan/Marissa thing, it's like the entire balance of my universe is out of whack. It can't be that way," she squealed.

"Aren't you the one that begged me to stay out of the whole Ryan/Marissa thing a year ago?" he fought back, rolling his eyes for good measure.

Finally, Marissa jumped in. "Can we stop referring to it as "the Ryan/Marissa thing"? Please?"

Seth stood and gathered his messenger back. "Sure," he nodded. "We can stop referring to it at all because it's not happening again." He bent and dropped a kiss on Summer's head. "I have to get to class. I will talk to you later?"

She waved him off with a muttered "whatever" and then turned back to Marissa. "Coop, I'm really sorry."

Marissa laughed. "Whatever, Summer. It's totally okay."

Summer jumped up from the couch and then flopped onto the one beside her friend. "It is not okay. You broke up with Connor for that ass and now he's dating someone else."

Marissa's eyes grew wide and she pushed her hair behind her ears again. "I said things were working out with Connor. I didn't say that I broke up with him," she reminded. "And I gotta be honest, Sum, I don't even know if I want to get back together with Ryan. Especially if he doesn't want it," she tried to break the news gently. Summer didn't take what she didn't want to hear so well.

Or at all. Most of the time, like this, she just ignored the news she didn't like. "It is the natural order of the world, Coop. And I'm not resting until that order has been restored." She crossed her arms again in defiant determination.

But this time it was Marissa who stood, hitching her shoulder back up. "I have to get to class, too. But promise me, Sum, as my best friend? You'll let this one go?"

"Fine," she pouted. Once Marissa was gone, she withdrew her cell phone. She would let it go when Ryan and Marissa were back together again. That was the only time she had been truly happy - when it was her, Seth, Marissa, and Ryan. She wasn't going to let that go.


	3. Together Out There

Macy Campbell was perfect. At least she was in Ryan's mind. And that was something that didn't happen often. He was a world-class fault finder, trying to tear people down to their weakest character flaws in an attempt to stave the inevitable disappointment of the day they packed up and moved out of his life. But from day one, when he met Macy at The Bait Shop, he was smitten. And try as he might, he never quite found a flaw that bothered him beyond her tendency to reak of alcohol and cigarette smoke at the end of the night.

She was worth more than any kid in Newport, had every resource for success any kid could ever dream of at her fingertips. Her father, Robert Campbell, was the only man in Newport who came close to challenging Caleb Nichol's stronghold in the community. He had been Man of the Year on seven different occasions, chaired four different community boards, and owned most of the Southern California Seaboard. But if Ryan hadn't pried into Macy's past, asked her all kinds of questions about who she was and where she came from, he never would have known any of that.

If she never wanted to lift another finger in her life, she wouldn't have to. She could have sneezed homes, cars, and servants into existence. But the fact that she chose to take over every day management of The Bait Shop when Alex left Newport impressed Ryan. And the fact that she chose to pay her own rent on a small beach bungalow, while working on a degree from UCI, on student loans, impressed him even more.

The fact that she was beautiful didn't hurt his impression, either. Her dark hair, blue eyes, and athletic figure drew him in immediately. Her acerbic wit, intelligence, and direction had him hanging on for more. And her determination to stay grounded and normal in the "plastic" world of Orange County had cemented his affection once and for all.

The nights when they studied at her place, working on homework and listening to whatever band was coming to the club next, were his favorite. Macy didn't need fancy parties or expensive clothes to numb herself to the loneliness of being Newport's elite. She accepted who she was, but she didn't flaunt it. That was Ryan's favorite thing. Many a night he found himself staring at her while she typed furiously at her HP notebook, biting her lip as she concentrated on what she was doing for her next class.

"Are you okay?" Macy asked.

Ryan's head snapped up from the Physics problem he was working to meet her eyes across the room. Normally, he was staring at her. Tonight, he was trying to stare at the book in front of him. "Huh?"

She smiled. He hadn't turned a page or jotted anything on the paper in front of him in more than twenty minutes. "You just seem kinda distracted," she smiled, stopping her typing to watch him, stretched out on her couch like it were his own.

Ryan gave her a half-smile and erased something on his paper. Or nothing. There was nothing on his paper because he hadn't been able to form a cognative thought all night. He just kept disciplining himself not to stare at her, perched at the kitchen table, working so hard on whatever paper she had to write this week. "I'm fine," he assured her.

Macy pushed her chair from the table. "Ry," she said knowingly, moving to the couch and nudging his feet until he gave her room to sit. "Is this about the charity thing for the library?"

He had mentioned it to her weeks ago, and she had yet to answer. He knew that she did whatever she could to avoid the whole Newport social scene, had since she was in high school, and he respected her discomfort. He didn't want to be around all the fake Newpsies, either. But he had thought that being there together would make it a little bit better, for both of them. "I thought you forgot," he said, smiling as she drew his feet back up into her lap and began to massage his arches.

"You really wanna go to this thing?" she asked skeptically. He had always given the impression that he hated the gala events that went on in their world.

"I want to," he answered sheepishly, as if it were something to be embarrassed about.

Macy rolled her neck and then looked into his steel blue eyes. On the first day they met, at the club, she had thought it funny that his eyes seemed to mirror hers so perfectly. The color, the expression, the clarity, the understanding - it was all right there. It was her favorite thing about him. "Let me rephrase," she said, looking to his feet. "Do you really wanna go to this thing together?"

His eyes grew wide and he sat up, setting his feet on the ground. "What are you talking about, Macy?" he squawked. He rarely ever yelled anymore, especially not at her. "Of course I wanna go to this thing with you. I want us to be together. I want us to be together out there," he pointed to the door. "Sometimes I just think that you'd rather nobody else know about us."

Besides a select few in Ryan's inner circle, no one even knew that he was dating Macy Campbell. Until she started running The Bait Shop, nobody really even knew she was back in Newport. She had spent two years in school at Stanford, and then moved back when Alex called to tell her that she was leaving. Her father had hated the thought of his daughter leaving an ivy-league school for a virtual community college, but Macy was nothing if not independent. Independent in the sense that she would do what she wanted as long as she could hide from her father's expectations in the process.

She curled her feet up under her body and then crawled toward Ryan, pinning him to the back of the couch before straddling his hips. "Listen to me," she said in a low, even tone that made his heart turn liquid. "I don't care what my parents think about my poor decision-making skills." She kissed his neck. "And I don't care if the entire town of Newport thinks I'm the bad-ass rebel rich girl." Her kisses moved to his throat.

After a moment, Ryan didn't think about anything at all. Macy's lips on his chin were causing nerve-endings he didn't know about to spring to life. He gripped her hips and pulled her flush against him. "I don't care, either," he mumbled, seeking her mouth.

But before he could find it, she pulled back, a smoldering look in her eyes. "The only thing I do care about is what you think, okay?" He nodded, his eyes sagging under the weight of euphoria her closeness always brought. "What are you thinking right now?"

He groaned and kissed her hard. It seemed safer than the words that were bubbling on his lips at the moment. But only safer in the sense that he was plummeting to a dangerous depth that he had never experienced with anyone else. Getting close to Macy Campbell wasn't easy. She wasn't one to let her guard down for just anyone. And knowing that he could have her, like this, meant more to him than she could know. Because he knew how much it meant to her.

Finally, she pulled away. "You know I can't take a piss in this town without someone reporting back to my dad, Ryan," she sighed, sitting back on his knees, her arms around his neck. "And I wanted to make sure that we were gonna stick for awhile before I let people in," she started to explain.

But Ryan cut her off with the shake of his head. "I'm stickin' around until you kick me out," he warned her, noting the broad smile that broke across her face. "Jesus, Macy, you're so far up in my head I can't think about anything but you."

She giggled and kissed him before rolling off of his lap and pulling him by the hand into a laying position on the couch. They laid in silence, listening to her favorite band, Dashboard Confessional. She hummed along through a song, and then turned her face to his, so close she could hardly speak without brushing his lips. "Are you thinking about me right now?"

He nodded and closed his eyes. "Always," he whispered just before he kissed her.

But Macy broke the lip-lock with an eruption of laughter. "You are really corny sometimes, ya know?"

He smiled and rested his forehead against hers. "You must bring that out in me."

She wiggled slightly, putting a few inches of space between them. "If that's true, then we have to break up right now," she said sternly.

"What? Why?" Ryan asked, tightening his grip around her waist.

"I refuse to be responsible for reducing the brilliant and somewhat tortured soul of a true poet to nothing more than stagnet cliches and God-awful pick up lines," she laughed as he blushed.

The poet thing had to stop. "I thought we agreed never to speak of the poetry thing again."

Macy snuggled closer to his chest. "Publicly, yes. But since we never go anywhere publicly, I reserve the right to tease you ad nauseum about your poetic prowess when we are alone."

He kissed her. "I think," he breathed as his lips moved to her cheek, "it's time," to her neck, "to get out," to her throat, "more then."

She giggled and brought his face back to her lips while his hands wandered her back, and lower. "I hear there's a charity thing for the new library Saturday," she breathed.

"It's a date," he muttered before rolling on top of her. Saturday night would come soon enough, but or now, he was happy with staying in.


	4. Good Enough

The house in the numbered streets was modest, to say the least. Two floors, three bedrooms, one bathroom, and a fenced in yard. It didn't even have a pool. But Marissa enjoyed the Matthews home more than any she had ever visited. There was nothing excessive to distract from the fact that they loved each other, pure and simple. It was sort of that way at the Cohens, but not the same degree.

She knocked on the door and waited, looking around at the toys in the front yard – barbies and baby dolls and matching pink "Hello Kitty" bicycles with baskets and horns. She wondered if she had ever loved a bike as much as Connor's twin sisters loved theirs. Had she ever valued anything she had like these kids did?

When the door opened, she was almost surprised. Technically, Connor should have still been at soccer practice, but when she had driven by the field, his floppy locks were nowhere to be found. "Hey," he said with a blank expression.

Marissa waited for him to push the screen door open and then she let herself into the living room. "So, I looked for you today – after lunch – but I didn't see you."

He nodded and moved toward the kitchen, examining the contents of the fridge. "I wasn't feeling good. I came home early."

His words were clipped, and she wondered if she had done something to make him angry. She couldn't recall doing or saying anything out of the ordinary, but that didn't mean that she hadn't. "Oh. Well, are you feeling better?"

Shutting the refrigerator door, he turned and looked at her across the counter. "That depends," he said honestly, his heart sinking in his chest.

"On what?" Marissa asked suspiciously, watching him carefully as he made his way back into the living room.

He sat on the tattered brown recliner beside her, distractedly playing with a hole that the family kitten had caused when she discovered her new claws. Finally, he met her eyes. "It depends on whether you're here to break up with me or just to lure me further into your plot to piss your mom off," he said.

All of the air seemed to seep from her chest in a split second. "What?"

Sighing heavily, Connor looked into her huge eyes and ran a hand over his hair. "Look, Marissa, I've been dumped enough to know what it looks like from a distance. Things haven't been the same with us for a couple of weeks now, and then Seth said. . ."

"Seth said?" Marissa jumped in, realization dawning on her. "Since when do you listen to anything Seth Cohen says? Connor, he and Summer have been on this quest to get me back together with Ryan for months now, long before you and I started dating," she pleaded with him to believe her. "I'm startingto think that they would say just about anything to make that happen."

For some reason, she hated the thought of being without him. Or, more honestly, of being without someone. And Connor was just as good, if not better, than most of the guys she had dated. To be honest, he had come the closest to making her happy since Ryan, so she found herself more and more drawn to him.

"So you're not breaking up with me?" he asked. She shook her head and scooted closer to the edge of the couch, reaching out to touch his knee. "Why not?"

That surprised her. Why not? Did it matter? "Um, because I like you?" she answered.

"That's convincing." He shrugged his shoulders and leaned back in the chair, refusing to buckle to the desire her touch was bringing out in him. "You sure it's not just because your mom hates me?"

Had Seth told him that, too? _Add Cohen to the shit list_, she told herself. Marissa was sure that he would never get all of these crazy ideas on his own. They had been together for nearly three months now, and he had never once worried about what her mother thought of him. Even when she hated him for no reason, Connor had never expressed any concern. "What are you talking about? What does my mother have to do with our relationship?"

"You tell me, Marissa. I mean, I've been thinking a lot about our relationship today, and it seems like you were happy to take this whole thing with us at a fairly pedestrian speed, until your mom found out about my family." He stopped and bit his lip, pain evident in his eyes when he met hers. "I know you don't respect your mom, that you have a lot of anger toward her or whatever, but I don't wanna be the cause of it."

"You're not," she insisted, dropping to her knees in front of his chair, both of her hands on his thighs now. "Connor, I like you. We have fun together. This week has been a little bit weird for me – there's other stuff going on, but it's not you. I don't care what my mom thinks about you, and I would be with you even if she loved you." She tried to lean forward and kiss him, but he turned his face. "What do I have to do to prove it to you?"

He just stood from his chair and pulled her to her feet. "You can't do anything, Marissa. It's in your eyes." He looked away – couldn't keep staring into those huge pools of desperation and pain. He was too smart for her game, but his body was betraying his mind. "She was right," he sighed, shaking his head.

"Who was right? Did Summer say something?" The tears were forming behind her eyes. Sometimes she wished that she wasn't such a baby – that she didn't cry so easily. She wished that she could suck it all up, be tough like Ryan was, let people in and out of her life without emotion. But she couldn't. She couldn't be abandoned again, not like this.

Connor looked out the sliding glass picture window onto the back yard. His sisters' sand box seemed like as good a focal point as any. "Your mom."

"It's bull shit, Connor," Marissa pleaded. "You are good enough for me. I don't care what your parents do for a living or what you're fuckin' net worth is. You are good enough for me."

"I don't want to be good enough, Marissa. I want to be good for you and I want to be enough for you. But I can't be Ryan." He just shook his curls and started to stare at his shoes. He was fairly certain he couldn't say this if he looked back at her.

Marissa stomped. She was ready for the full-fledged temper-tantrum stage of the argument now. If she could just get through this, then he would see that she cared, and he would say that he did, and they would still be together. "Why does everyone keep saying that? I am not in love with Ryan Atwood. We are friends, and maybe not even that anymore. Whatever we had is long over." She took a deep breath and pushed her hair from her face. "Jesus, between you and Seth and Summer and my mom and dad – I'm getting sick of it," she demanded.

He smiled slightly and started to walk toward the front door. "Marissa, if that many people see it, don't you think there might be something to it?" He held the screen open for her and Marissa moved on legs of lead toward the front porch.

He had already let the screen slam when she reached the steps and turned to face him. "Ya know what? The entire population of the world used to think that Earth was flat," she said. He looked at her as though she were speaking in some cryptic tongue. "Didn't mean they were right, either," she said sadly, turning her back and moving toward her car.

Connor shut the heavy door and assured himself that he had done the right thing. Maybe Marissa didn't see it. Maybe she really believed that she didn't love Ryan anymore. But it was there – deep inside that sad expression that glimmered just a little at the mention of his name. It was there, and he was sure that shit was really gonna hit the fan when she realized it.

In the car, Marissa banged her head against the steering wheel and then cranked her radio as she peeled out of the driveway. Of course she knew she still loved Ryan. They all thought she was too stupid or stubborn to admit that, but she knew the truth. When it came to the reconciliation of "The Ryan/Marissa Thing," Ryan was the immovable object. And the harder they all pushed her toward him, the uglier the crash would be in the end.


	5. Incredibly Stealth

"So, what's the big emergency?" Seth asked as he let himself into Summer's bedroom. She had called him fifteen minutes ago, begging him to come over as quickly as he could. "No lipstick to match your shoes or whatever?"

She gave him an infamous death glare as he flopped onto her bed. "This is serious, Cohen," she insisted, her hand on her hip.

Seth nodded his agreement, but was too taken with her dress for the charity event to speak. It was pink, short, and low cut. It was a Marissa-style dress. Not that Seth would ever mention that he recognized a Marissa-style dress, ever, to anyone. Not when they already questioned his lack of sports knowledge and power tools. "Okay?"

Summer only went to the dresser and held out a piece of paper. "Coop e-mailed me today," she said with a pout.

Taking the paper, he shrugged. "So?"

She pointed, stomped, and pouted. "So? We don't e-mail, Cohen. E-mail is for lonely comic book dorks and poor people who don't have blackberries," she informed him.

Seth was about to point out that both had described him, or still did, but didn't think it the wisest crack. He perused the e-mail while Summer went back to getting ready. Apparently, Marissa hadn't had a chance to break up with Connor before the big event, and this was because he had beaten her to the punch. There were expletives and a demand for both of them to stay out of her business and leave her relationships alone. Also, an insistence that she could take care of her own life, which Seth found funny.

"She's really mad," Summer said into the silence of the room.

Tossing the e-mail aside, Seth lay back on the bed, his arms behind his head. "I gathered. But does that really surprise you? I mean, it's kind of our fault," he said.

"It is not our fault, Cohen," Summer growled, snapping her purse closed and searching for her earring.

"No, you're right, it's not. It's your fault, Summer. If you had just left it alone when Marissa told you to, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place," he informed, choosing not to meet the angry glare she was no doubt shooting his way.

"You're the one who told Connor that she was going to break up with him. You're the one who put all these thoughts in his head in the first place," she accused.

But Seth wouldn't be deterred. "I told Ryan, not Connor. It wasn't my fault that the big ape happened to be sitting there when I mentioned it. Also, I would have never said anything if you hadn't told me that Marissa said she was breaking up with him. I plead not guilty by reason of faulty information from a highly uncredible source."

"Uncredible's not a word, Cohen," Summer snapped, turning and stopping her foot. Seth was sure that one of those stilettos was going to break off during a tantrum one of these days. "So, what are we going to do about this?"

He shrugged and stood. "I vote nothing, and we're gonna be late," he said, standing and extending his hand to his girlfriend.

She just sat on the bed and crossed her arms. "Nothing? You want to do nothing? Our best friends in the world are miserable without each other and you want to do nothing?"

"That's what I said," Seth nodded, extending his hand again. She just turned her head in defiance. Some days it was hard to remember why he loved her so much. "Besides, Ryan's pretty amped about his date with Macy tonight. I don't think he's really miserable without Marissa."

Sometimes Summer wondered how she could love Seth. He was a dolt. A complete idiot when it came to matters of the heart. "You are an ass," she fired loudly, standing from the bed again. "He is just scared, and she is assuming that he doesn't want her anymore. So I figure, all we have to do is show them how much they need each other, and the rest," she threw her hands up in a shrug, "will take care of itself."

He groaned, the first signs of a headache easing into his mind. "Summer, we promised both of them that we would stay out of it," he reminded.

Her anger faded into what could only be described as profound sadness. "When we were in seventh grade, Marissa got in this huge fight with Holly because we knew that Mitch Davis was cheating on her, and Marissa told her. Holly said it was nobody's business, but Marissa told me that she never wanted to miss the obvious because her so-called friends wouldn't tell her the truth. We made a pact to never hold out on each other.

"I know that you think I'm crazy for pushing this, Cohen. But I also know that my best friend has never been happier than she was with Ryan. And I know," she turned her doe eyes to his face, "that there is no one who loves her more than he does. They need each other, and if Marissa doesn't know that, then it's my job to make sure she figures it out."

And sometimes he remembered exactly why he loved her. He wrapped his arms around her sagging shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "Alright, we'll help. But we have to be incredibly stealth. They clearly don't respond to the blatantly obvious, so we're gonna have to work around them, in spite of them, if you will. I'm thinking something covert, sneaky," Seth started to ramble.

Summer pulled back and smiled up at him. It wasn't so hard to remember why she loved his man, at least some of the time. "Thank you," she whispered, kissing him and then stepping out of his embrace to grab her purse from the bed. "Let's go. We're gonna be late and I have to talk to Julie."

Seth stammered and followed her toward the hallway. "Wait, what? Julie who? Cooper? Why would you do that?"

They were nearly to the front door before he stopped asking questions and she turned to give him a wink. "Because she's gonna help us."

This was not going to end well. "Because Julie Cooper-Nichol is known for being stealth, Summer. And by stealth, I mean sneaky as a sumo wrestler in a tutu."

The door slammed behind their bickering, and Seth braced himself for the tongue-lashing Ryan would give in the aftermath of this plan. '_Dear God, just let him be over that need to solve his problems with his fists_,' he prayed as he started the car and flashed a babbling Summer the best fake smile he could muster.


	6. Nervous Energy

_A/N: Thanks for the supportive reviews. Since this is the first fic I've ever had the nerve to post, it feels good to know that people like it. Even if you don't, I'd love to hear from you. Also, I realized that I haven't put a disclaimer on this story, so in case y'all were under the delusion that I own The OC or any of it's characters, i.e. Ryan, Marissa, Seth, Summer, Luke, Julie, anyone else I might mention in later chapters, let me assure you that I could not even afford to rent them for an afternoon. _

The nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach wouldn't go away. This was what he wanted, to take Macy out in public, to let the world know that she was his girlfriend. This was the night he had been waiting for – so why did he feel like he was going to throw up?

Oh, that's right – because Seth had warned him that Summer was on the war path and that this week's battle was going under the code name "Reunite the Fantastic Four." Dammit – why couldn't they leave it alone? He was happy now. Not that he hadn't been happy with Marissa - she was his first love, but he had Macy now, and there was no drama to speak of. She didn't need to be saved or coddled. She just needed him to be who he was and for him to let her be who she was. There was nothing complicated about Macy Campbell.

He didn't even bother knocking on the door when he got to her house, just let himself in with an "I'm late. I'm sorry."

She appeared in the doorway with a sly smile. "Hey, you."

As she sauntered toward him, Ryan tried frantically to scan his brain for the right word. "You look," he stopped and looked her over again. He had never seen her in a dress, let alone one that looked so expensive and sparkley. Her hair was all done up and curled, and she was wearing make up. His girlfriend never wore make up. "Wow."

She rolled her eyes, kissed him quickly and then turned to the kitchen table to retrieve her purse. "Wow, huh?" She turned back to him and leaned against one of the bar stools against the counter. "So when my father asks me tonight what it is I see in this boy from Chino, I think I'm going to have to go with your mastery of the English language."

He smiled sheepishly and lowered his head for a second. "I've just never seen you so," he still couldn't find the right word. "I don't know, Macy. Give me a second."

Grinning, she ran her hand over the silky fabric. "My mom bought it for me in Milan. I told her I would never wear something so fucking elaborate, but she insisted that I keep it."

"I'm glad you did," Ryan said finally, his confidence returning as he moved toward her and wrapped his arm around her waist. "You look really great."

She nodded and straightened his tie. "So do you, by the way. Really," she stopped and thought for a second, "I was gonna say "dapper," but "wow" seems more appropriate."

He kissed her as she smirked. "You ready to go?"

Nodding, Macy gripped her purse and followed him to the door. She was fiddling with the lock when she spoke again. "Can I ask you something?" He nodded. "Do you feel like you're gonna throw up right now? Because at first I was sure this feeling in my stomach was just guilt over the little sweat shop kid who had to poke himself countless times in the fingers while hand-beading this dress," she looked over herself as she secured the lock finally. "But if you've got it too, maybe it's just the thought of a Newport party."

He smirked as he opened her door. "I'd hate for you to be all riddled with sweat shop guilt," he slammed the door shut and ran around to the driver's side, taking her hand as he backed out of the drive. "But, yeah, I've had it, too."

The thought of warning her about the whole Seth/Summer situation passed through his mind, but she had already started talking about the prospect of getting Dashboard to play the Bait Shop, so he let it pass. Hopefully, Seth would be true to his word and talk Summer out of whatever plan she had concocted.

Who was he kidding? Someone was definitely gonna end up humiliated, devastated, bruised, or bloody by the end of the night.


	7. Top Secret Plan in Motion

Marissa scanned the room for any signs of anyone she knew. She hated these parties, moreso now that she had no one with whom to enjoy them. And now that Seth and Summer seemed to be running late, she was in absolute agony. The thought of rushing the bar for whatever expensive liquor was unattended had crossed her mind several times.

"And there it is again," she said under her breath as she saw her mother approaching. "Mom," was all she said in greeting.

Julie Cooper-Nichol gave her daughter a wide smile and then hugged her thin shoulders. Her perfume was suffocating. "Marissa, you look beautiful," she complimented, her eyes running over her daughter's gold dress. "Is that the dress Caleb bought you in Paris?"

Marissa nodded. "Yeah," she answered in a clipped voice.

It wasn't as though she had expected to be met with any sort of excitement, but the way Marissa turned to ice in Julie's presence made her feel agitated and angry. "So," she tried to maintain her saccharine tone while being ignored. "Where's your boyfriend?"

Marissa gave her mother the best "get away from me" glare she had. "He's not coming," was all she said. She would be damned before she gave Julie the satisfaction of knowing he had broken up with her.

"Oh. Was there something else more important on his agenda?" Julie asked. It wasn't that she tried to be so bitter, but the boy wasn't good enough for Marissa and she wasn't going to pretend that he was. "A gala in the sewer, perhaps?"

Before she could respond, Marissa saw Seth and Summer making their way toward her. "I've gotta go," she said, slipping past her mom.

Summer pinched Seth's arm as her friend approached. "You know what to do, right?" she whispered.

Seth rolled his eyes. "It's not really even a plan, Summer," he reminded her, smiling widely at Marissa. "Hey, Marissa. How's it goin'?" He clapped his hands together.

With a small smile, she turned to Summer. "Can we skip the whole apology for the e-mail thing and just get away from my mom?" she asked hopefully.

With a hug, Summer giggled. "Of course, Coop. You were clearly stressed. Why don't you guys go find us some drinks? I have to go find," she stopped. She should have come up with some excuse. Dammit. "I have to go find Seth's mom. Super secret birthday stuff," she said, shooting a look at Seth.

"I thought your birthday wasn't until, like November," Summer heard Marissa say as her boyfriend pulled her best friend into the throng of party-goers.

Now all Summer had to do was wait until she saw him arrive, talk to Julie, and sit back to enjoy the fruits of her labor. Project Reunite the Fantastic Four was practically complete.

"Seth, are you sure that Summer said to wait for her out here?" Marissa asked, scanning the balcony of the second floor ball room for any signs of her friend.

Seth took another sip of his sparkling cider and kept his eyes straight ahead. He had never been great with the lying – especially to his closest friends – but if it saved him from a Summer Rage Blackout, he could get it done. "Yeah. She said she just had to talk to my mom for a little bit and then she'd find us." He sat his glass down and turned to her, trying to sound confident and relaxed – neither his strong suit. "So, where's Connor?"

She rolled her eyes. "Seth," she said knowingly. "I know Summer showed you the e-mail."

"E-mail? What e-mail? There was an e-mail? Summer doesn't believe in e-mail. It's for poor kids without blackberries," he rambled, as he usually did when he was completely nervous.

"It's okay. I'm over it. I thought things were good, but he's obviously over it, so I guess I will be to," she explained, trying her best to sound confident, to make herself believe the words.

Guilt washed over him again. More than anything, he wanted all of his friends to be happy. The sooner Marissa realized that Summer thought that meant Marissa and Ryan had to be together, the better off they would all be. "Listen," he said seriously, "if this is all because of what I said at lunch the other day, I'm sorry."

Marissa accepted the apology at face value. Seth didn't fake sincerity well, so if he sounded like he was sorry, he probably was. "I think there were more problems under the surface. He seems to think that I'm still in love with Ryan, too," she explained.

That was a good thing, wasn't it? If even Connor could see it, then she would have to believe it. Seth knew that gloating to a broken hearted woman probably wasn't the best idea in the world, though. "Are you?" he asked.

Her eyes flew to his face, wide with some sort of fear or confusion. "Am I what?"

"Still in love with Ryan?"

Marissa wanted to vehemently deny – as had become her MO over the last year. But with Seth, it seemed safe to be honest. "Does it matter? I mean, he's not interested in giving us another try. You said it yourself, it's never going to happen," she felt her shoulders sag with each word she spoke.

Seth put a hand on her shoulder. "Summer seems to think it might. I know he likes Macy, but it's new. I mean, it could end in a week, or a month, or a year. I don't know if it's what you guys had," he conveyed honestly. "The important question is this: Do you really want him back? Or do you just want the right person and you, like Summer, can't get over the idea that it might not be him?"

Marissa sniffled another unbeckoned tear. "I don't know," she answered.

"I think I might know someone who can help you figure it out," came the voice from above her.

Marissa turned, shock resonating as she stood to face Connor. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "I was a little hard on you the other day." He shot a look to Seth, who had gathered his glass and was wandering off in search of a refill, or Summer – Connor didn't really care. "Look, Marissa, I don't want to be your substitute Ryan. But I miss you."

"It's been two days," she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He turned his head slightly to the side. "Yeah, but that's, like, forty-eight hours without hearing you laugh or bitch about your mom. That's a lot of hours without you," he stated.

"I miss you, too," she grinned. She did. She missed the feeling of his arms around her like this, and the smell of his knock-off cologne, and the sound of his low voice. She missed the security that he provided when her mother came looking for her in the crowd, trying to introduce her to people she didn't want to know. "Dance with me?"

"I'd love to," he grinned, leading her back into the ballroom.

"I thought she said he wasn't coming," Julie spat as she watched Marissa twirl the dance floor with Connor.

Summer took the opportunity to help herself to a champagne glass from the tray of a nearby waiter. "You really don't like him, huh?" She knew that, of course, when she had e-mailed him, apologized for getting all up in his business, and begged him to give it one more shot with her friend. It was manipulative, she knew, but she needed him there for her plan to work.

"It's not that I don't like him, Summer," Julie clarified, her eyes narrowing as she watched Marissa laugh at something Connor was saying in her ear. "It's just that he has no real future. His father works for the sewage department, for God's sake. Do you know what they do there?"

Summer's nose scrunched up. "I don't even want to," she answered. "But if he makes Marissa happy, I guess that's what's really important, right?"

"The only thing that makes Marissa happy is pissing me off," Julie informed the girl's friend.

"I thought she was pretty happy with Ryan," Summer said smoothly, watching for a reaction.

What she got was a shoulder shrug from Julie. "She was. But unless you have a memory-altering potion in that stunning handbag, I don't think he's going to just forget the way she ended things the last time," she mused, her eyes drifting around the room. Something caught her eye. "Speaking of Ryan," she nodded.

Summer turned to see him in the entry, suffering an uncomfortable introduction to Robert Campbell. "Oh, yeah – he's dating Macy Campbell now," she said.

"He does have taste," Julie muttered.

"Yeah, whatever," Summer waved her hand. It was time to move this plan into Phase Three. Or was it four? She couldn't remember. "Listen, Mrs. Cooper, everyone knows that Marissa doesn't belong with Sewer Boy over there, and we also know that Ryan will never be accepted into the Campbell clan."

"What do you have in mind, Summer?" Julie always appreciated someone with a conniving mind – it was what she understood best.

"I think we can work something out – something where we both get what we want."

"And what do we want?"

"Ryan and Marissa back together and order restored the universe," she said simply.

Julie nodded and motioned toward an empty corner of the ballroom. "Let me grab a drink and we'll chat."

There was a slight feeling of guilt creeping into Summer's gut, but she shoved it down. This was for the best. Ryan would be spared the embarrassment of not fitting in, again. Marissa would be spared the misery of regret that came every time she thought about breaking up with Ryan. Seth would be spared migraines that came with hearing Summer complain about Marissa and Ryan. And Summer would be spared the relationship doubt she'd been having ever since her version of the perfect couple called it quits. It was for the best. Definitely.


	8. Awkward Series of Unfortunate Events

_A/N: Thanks for reviewing. You guys are cracking me up – lifting my spirits and building my confidence. It's awesome! I once had a professor who taught that effective storytelling is really just another form of journalism. You allow your characters to live and breathe in the direction of their choosing and simply document it for your readers. I always thought it was kind of a bull shit statement. If I am the creator of the story, then I am in control of my characters' destinies, right? All this story has done is prove why he was the one making the big bucks as a college prof, and I'm the one with outrageous student loans and an addiction to soap operatic melodrama. Ryan and Marissa are kind of veering off the path I've set for them, seemingly of their own accord. Damn rebel kids from The OC. Anyway,I am hereby flushing my original outline down the toilet for the remainder of the story. Hey, maybe Connor's dad can find it for me!_

"So, be honest," Ryan smiled when he and Macy finally had a moment alone. "It's not as bad as you thought it would be, right?"

She dangled the champagne flute between her fingers and leaned against the balcony railing. From outside, the party seemed like a million miles away. So did the phoney-ass smile her father had put on when he met Ryan. She didn't know how he knew, but somehow he sensed that the boy wasn't cut from the same insanely expensive cloth that they were, and she would have to hear about it later. "It's okay."

"Ah, come on," Ryan chided, resting his arms on either side of her as he pressed against her back. From behind her, he couldn't see how high up they were, and that was always good – hard to look like the tough guy she knew and loved if he was losing his breath and envisioning a long, bloody, awful fall to his death. "It's not like anyone's sucked your soul out through your ear or anything," he encouraged.

Macy felt his lips around her earlobe and her stomach did a flip. "If you stay right there, maybe they won't be able to," she giggled, closing her eyes. There was a reason she never came to these things, a reason she hated them so much, but she was having a hard time remembering that reason at the moment.

"Hey, Ryan," a voice sounded and he pulled back, smiling as he shook hands with Connor. "This must be the infamous Macy Campbell," he said, turning and offering a hand to her.

Macy gracefully switched her glass from her right hand to the left and accepted his gesture. "Mace, this is Connor. He's on my soccer team at school," Ryan introduced.

"It's nice to meet you," she said with a genuine smile. Aside from Kirsten and Sandy, Ryan hadn't introduced her to anyone he knew. It was nice to be on this side of the meet-and-greet for once.

"And this is my girlfriend, Marissa," Connor said, his hand on her back as she stepped forward and smiled.

"Marissa Cooper," Macy said with a knowing smile. "You've grown up a lot since ninth grade."

Marissa blushed and nodded, trying her best to avert Ryan's gaze. "Yeah, I guess. You look amazing," she said honestly. _No wonder he's in love with you._ As the words passed through her brain, Marissa found herself internally cringing. What did it matter? She had Connor now. Things were going to be good – normal in no time.

"I didn't realize you guys knew each other," Ryan said, winding his arm around Macy's waist. Of course, he had done everything he could to avoid talking about Marissa with his new girlfriend, and he didn't have a lot to say to his "ex" as of late, so it wasn't a big shocker that the subject hadn't come up.

"Yeah," Macy nodded, smiling back at him. "I was a senior, she was a freshman, we were on the Social Committee together."

Marissa forced asmile. She knew that her cheeks were growing flush, but there was nothing she could do to stop it. "Macy was the Social Chair," she added.

"Really?" Connor boomed in. "Marissa's the Social Chair now," he informed proudly, taking her hand in his. He could feel her tense, but he chose to ignore it, draining the contents of his glass in one chug.

"I am not surprised," Macy commented graciously. "So, your mom married Caleb Nichol, huh?" she asked. Marissa rolled her eyes and nodded. "I'm guessin' not the easiest step-dad to have, huh?"

"To say the least," Marissa agreed, easing a little bit as she took another drink from the passing waiter. She was doing better with the "not drinking," but moments like this made it impossible to resist.

Ryan shifted uncomfortably. There was no way for Macy to know how hard this was for him. Until that moment, he had no idea how hard it was for him. Watching them fumble through a conversation was painful, and he wanted to run away from it. But why? He liked Macy – things were going so well. No – he was not going to think about how a huge hug would make Marissa feel better at this point.

It was Seth and Summer, creeping into his head. All that "meant to be" bull shit was just rolling around his head because of them. He didn't have feelings for Marissa, not real ones, anymore. Macy's back under his fingertips made him feel a little more stable. He would have to talk to Seth about this when he got home – make sure he knew that the topic was off-limits. No more planting these little seeds of "what if" and "maybe" in his brain any more.

As if on cue, the Dynamic Duo slid into place with the group. "Well, look at this," Seth said loudly. "Everybody hangin' out, makin' friends. This is great."

Ryan shot him a look, Connor rolled his eyes, while Macy and Marissa looked away at the Newport landscape over the balcony. "Um, did we interrupt something?" Summer asked. "Macy, that dress is fantastic," she commented without waiting for a response to her previous question.

"Thanks, Summer. You look great, too," Macy said with a small smile, wondering why the hell everything got so quiet all of the sudden. Sure, they all went to school together, and she had been the hidden girlfriend for awhile, but it didn't take a brain trust to know that this was not a happy gathering of friends. She turned to Ryan and put a hand on his arm. "I'm going to find a restroom. Can you grab me another drink when the tray comes by?"

He nodded, kissed her quickly and then turned back, his eye meeting Marissa's for a split second too long. He turned away again, but the only direction to look was over the balcony. Dammit. His breath hitched in his throat and he steps slightly the left, just to avoid the "straight down" of it all.

"Do you wanna dance, Connor?" Marissa asked quickly, pulling on his arm until he followed.

Ryan turned to Seth and Summer, anger evident in his eyes. "What the hell are you two tryin' to pull?"

"Don't even think you're blamin' that debaucle on us," Seth pointed to the places where the others once stood. "We were nowhere around when that awkward series of unfortunate events took place."

Summer smacked his gut and turned her big eyes to Ryan. "So, I guess Marissa and Connor didn't break up, huh?"

Ryan shrugged, scanning the ballroom for Macy again. "I don't really care, Summer," he snapped.

She didn't buy it, though. Or chose to ignore it. "And you and Macy are doing well," she added.

This time, he tried a different avenue. "Have you ever heard the saying, Summer, that insanity is repeating the same action multiple times and expecting different results?" She nodded. "That's what Marissa and I were, okay? Insanity. We tried. We failed. Miserably. Several times, in fact. I'm not doin' it again." He grabbed her shoulders and made sure that she was looking in his eyes. "Leave. It. The. Fuck. Alone."

He stalked off and Seth glanced down to be sure he hadn't wet himself. He hadn't seen Ryan that upset in a long, long time. "Forgot how scary he can be," he muttered.

But Summer turned with a huge smile. "Did you hear that, Cohen?"

"The part where he said it was insane? Or where you told you to butt out, yet again?" She was shaking her head. "That's what I heard, Summer."

"Read between the lines, Dumb Ass. He's scared. They tried before and they failed. He doesn't want to get hurt again. But he never said he didn't want her anymore."

"I thought that's what the "I'm not doin' it again" was all about," Seth muttered in confusion. He loved Summer, really loved her, but at some point, she had stopped being reasonable. And he wondered if that was the point where he was supposed to have his best friend's back.

"Don't worry, Cohen. By homeroom Monday morning, we will be watching those two all over each other in the hallways at school. Now," she said, twirling on her heel and grabbing his tie. "Come dance with me."

There were so many things he wished he was brave enough to say at that moment, but Seth watched Summer's hips sway toward the dance floor, and dammit if all of the wit and confidence he'd ever felt rushed right out of his body.


	9. A Nichol Short

Great. Just great. Marissa Cooper was Ryan's ex-girlfriend? He hadn't told her that, of course. In the many discussions they had about previous lovers and relationships, her name never came up. But the tension in the air back there on the balcony had made it pretty clear. If she hadn't had so much drink, Macy would have driven herself home immediately. How could he not tell her that Marissa Cooper was his ex-girlfriend.

Not that he would know why that was a big deal. Not that he would have any way of knowing that her very presence had ruined Macy's entire existence. In all fairness, Marissa probably didn't know it, either. But as soon as Caleb had married Julie Cooper, and added yet another perfect debutante to his daughter arsenal, Robert Campbell had jumped that much harder on Macy to measure up. Macy didn't wear the couture as well as Caleb's daughters. She didn't show as much respect to her elders as Caleb's daughters. She didn't show as much potential for success as Caleb's daughters.

For years, she had been running from who she was, pretending to embrace it while all she wanted to do was hide. She thought that Ryan would make it better – that he would validate her chosen existence somehow. She thought that he would be able to make her feel like she was doing something right for once. And maybe, just maybe, she would show her father that two people from incredibly different backgrounds could merge into the Newport lifestyle without stark, gaping contrast. She knew that they could, if everyone would just lay off and let them.

But now that one perfect thing – that one untouchable – was ruined. Now she had to worry about whether or not she measured up to Caleb's daughter in one more area. "Dammit," she groaned in the bathroom corridor before kicking the wall.

"Problems?" Kirsten Cohen asked, holding the door as it closed behind her.

Macy had always liked Kirsten. When she was in high school, Caleb's eldest daughter used to babysit her while their parents went away on "couples' retreats" for the weekends. Sometimes Jimmy Cooper would come over, too, and they would play board games. Macy loved that memory – it was filed in the "safe" folder of her mind, from a time before the expectations started. Now, Kirsten was just another one of Caleb's daughters who did everything better than she did.

"I'm fine," she said quickly, wiping runaway tears from the corners of her eyes and turning for the door. Of course, if she left, she would never find out the truth. "Kirsten?" she asked.

The older woman turned, her eyes expectant. "What is it, Macy?"

"What do you know about Ryan's relationship with Marissa?"

Kirsten took a deep breath. "I think it's something you should probably talk to him about," she said honestly.

But Macy shook her head insistently. "He won't tell me the real truth. He'll tell me what he thinks I want to hear," she pouted.

Kirsten knew it was probably true. "They dated and it didn't work out. They're still trying the friends thing, but that doesn't usually work so well for them, either," she smiled sympathetically. "He is crazy about you, though, Mace."

With a quick "thanks," she headed out of the corridor and back into the ballroom. _The friends thing doesn't work so well for them_ was all that she could think.

"Macy," her father's voice stopped her cold.

"What is it, Dad?" she asked, tension growing in the back of her neck.

"It was nice to see you here tonight, Dear," he said, his hand on her arm.

She wanted to kick him in the shin and run away. But she knew, no matter how many times she executed the action in her mind, she would never have the courage to do it in real life. "Thanks, Dad," she sighed. "And thank you for at least pretending to like Ryan," she added, hoping that a compliment would diffuse whatever rant he was ready to spill.

Robert gave her a knowing smile. "It's not a problem. Everyone has to get their teenage rebellion out at some point. And I'm just grateful that you waited until you moved out of my house to do yours," he added with a jovial laugh. "Sweetheart, I want you to stop by my office in the morning, okay? There's something I would like to discuss with you."

He walked away before Macy could remind him that tomorrow was Sunday, and that she didn't really give a damn what he had to discuss with her. Her head was throbbing now, and as soon as she found Ryan, she was going home.

"So?" Julie asked as Robert made his way down the hall and back into the ballroom.

"Don't worry, Julie. By tomorrow afternoon, she will be packing her bags and boarding a plane," he said, taking the hand that she had extended. "You will have a limited window of time to take care of this boy from Chino, though. If I know my daughter, she won't be gone for long."

He was gone, leaving Julie to stare in satisfaction after him. _One down, one to go_, she thought as she set off in search of her daughter's boyfriend.


	10. Not Friends

Sometimes Newport really wasn't so bad. Nights when the air was still, and the flowers were blooming in November, their scent wafting on the breeze, Ryan understood what Sandy meant when he said "I kinda like this place." And sitting on the steps of the gala hall, he closed his eyes and let the peaceful contentment wash over him.

"Hey," came a small voice from behind him.

Ryan turned slightly. Marissa was standing behind him, smiling nervously, as though she wasn't sure how she had gotten there or why. He felt something flip in his stomach, but chose to ignore it, plastering a fake smile on his lips. "Hey," he answered.

She moved closer, and looked to the steps until he motioned for her to join him. She lowered herself onto the cool cement and stretched her long legs before her. "So, I'm sorry about that whole thing before," she mumbled softly.

Ryan looked straight ahead. He felt like the comfortable, tough kid who didn't care what anyone thought about himwent running back to Chino whenever Marissa Cooper was around. "Hey, it, uh, it wasn't your fault, either, right?" he asked finally, remembering that she would expect him to say something.

"Still," she conceded, looking around, trying her best to avoid the pit that was starting to form in her stomach. "Where's Macy?" she asked with a bit more enthusiasm than was probably necessary.

"She's sayin' good-bye to her mom," he answered, still not looking at her. The smell of the flowers had been replaced by her expensive perfume. Ryan was starting to believe the theory that scent was the strongest of all "memory joggers." And at the moment, he was wishing he didn't have to relive "Ryan and Marissa's Good Times" in the technicolor surround sound of his mind.

Marissa nodded in response, hugging her thin shoulders against the chill of the evening. She looked over the yard before them, and the cars waiting for pick-up in the valet ally. She should say something, right? "So, um, Macy looks good tonight." She knew she should be able to talk to him about something, anything, without this embarrassed, insecure silence that kept creeping into the space between them.

Ryan nodded, swallowing his own nerves. "Yeah, she does." There had to be something they could talk about, right? Something other than vague generalities about each other's dates. "Things are good with Connor?"

Marissa nodded in assurance, pushing a handful of her silky hair behind her ear. "I think so," she nodded, her voice falling into a slightly more natural, distracted, tone. "He's a little drunk right now, but we're still together, so. . ."

She trailed off and Ryan thought he should add something to fill the silence. It wasn't that he had a problem being near Marissa – they hung out with Seth and Summer all the time, back before they met other people. But when they found themselves alone, off-setting silence always seemed to ensue. And that silence led to thoughts of what had been, what could be again, and he had to stop that before it ran away with him. "But you're out here."

"Just needed some air," she shrugged nonchalantly. "What about you?"

"Just waiting for Macy to get done with the pleasantries." Ryan turned toward her, casting his first glance in her direction, but not settling on anything that could confuse him any further about his feelings – feelings he was sure were only on the surface now because of what Seth and Summer had been doing. What they had been saying and doing over the past few weeks were putting these doubts and confusions in his head. Nothing else.

And they were quiet again, each seemingly immersed in a world of their own thoughts and emotions. Marissa fought the urge to spill the truth – if she could only figure out what the truth was. "Dammit," she groaned in frustration. Ryan looked toward her again, but she noted that his eyes didn't really focus on anything. He couldn't even look at her. "Why is this so damn awkward?"

Because I still love you? "What?" Where did that come from?

"You know what," Marissa answered. "This thing with you and me. We used to be friends."

Ryan shifted uncomfortably. Where was Macy? "We are friends," he said with little to no conviction.

"No, we're not," she insisted, shaking her head emphatically, the pain of that fact settling into her gut like a rock. "Friends don't have to deal with the shit that we do whenever we're alone with each other. Friends are comfortable together," she said.

She was right. He knew she was right. He just didn't know what to do to fix it. He would always love Marissa, in the way that everyone has a special place for their first love. But that didn't mean that he was ever going to trust her again. It didn't mean that he had to, did it? Why did she make him question every emotion that coursed through his body? And how did she still make every situation feel so intense, so important?

She remembered a time when they used to sit in silence for hours. Sometimes there was touching, sometimes kissing, but never words. They had never needed them. "Why can't we get past this?" she mused out loud. "We know each other better than anyone, Ryan. We never used to have this weirdness when. . ." she trailed.

"We were together?" He met her eye for the first time, the green intensity boring into him. She looked different this time. Something was different.

"Yeah," she whispered, looking away.

Ryan cleared his throat. "I don't know," he mumbled. She was broken. That was it – that's what was different. She no longer looked happy, like she had when they were together. And she didn't look like she was about to buckle under the weight of whatever drama he was used to seeing her deal with. She just looked like she was done fighting, like she had given up. Like she was broken.

She looked back up at him, her wide eyes asking him for something he wasn't sure he could give her. "I think," she started, but was interrupted.

"Ry, you ready?" Macy asked from behind them.

He nodded and stood quickly. "Yeah, sure, of course," he answered.

Marissa watched him kiss her and wrap his arm around her,and her heart dropped to her toes. "I should go find Connor," she muttered, standing on wobbly legs. "It was nice to see you again, Macy," she said politely.

"Back at ya," Macy smiled, looping her arm through Ryan's as Marissa turned away. "What was that about?" she whispered into his ear.

Ryan shook his head. "Nothing." He cleared his throat. "Just catching up."

They were standing beside the curb, waiting for the valet to bring his car when they heard, "MARISSA!" Turning, both Ryan and Macy saw Connor stumble outside, an alochol bottle in his hand as he smiled at his girlfriend and kissed her loudly. Ryan could see her blush. "Hey, look," Connor laughed. "There's Ryan! RYAN! HEY, RYAN!"

With a slight wave, Ryan tried to figure out what he was going to do. Connor was clearly drunk, clearly needed help. And he was moving toward them, dragging Marissa by the arm. "Let's just get out of here, okay?" Marissa was pleading.

But Connor didn't stop until he was right next to the other couple. "Marissa, I am talking to our friend, Ryan. Do you mind?"

Macy tried to take control of the situation. "Actually, we were just leaving," she said, her jaw tense. She had seen enough drunken fights to recognize them coming. And the thought of being near one on her first night back in the Newport public eye wasn't her idea of a good times.

"Ah, come on. The party's startin' to wind down," Connor slurred, throwing his arm around Marissa's shoulder. "We should all go hang together. We could go to The Bait Shop," he suggested loudly.

They were drawing looks from other party-goers. Marissa looked mortified and Ryan looked like he was ready to punch someone, so Macy felt like keeping order fell on her shoulders. "Maybe some other time, okay?" She put a hand on her boyfriend's shoulder and wrapped her hand around his fist. "Let's go," she said firmly.

"Come on, Connor," Marissa said, her voice small and fractured. "I'm gonna take you home."

He shook his curly hair. "Nah. You don't have to, Baby. Your mom called me a cab."

"She what?"

Taking another drink from the glass bottlein his hand, Connor looked at Marissa, his hands on her shoulders. "Apparently, she doesn't think I should be driving in my," he stopped and thought for a second, "current state."

Marissa took his hand, trying to pull him back up the stairs. His 6 foot, 3 inch frame wasn't budging unless he felt like it. "Let's don't worry about the cab. Or my mom," she growled at the thought of her mother's interference. When would Julie Cooper learn to leave it alone?

"She is not so bad," Connor informed her. "She liked my shoes. And she invited me to brunch," he pointed out.

Ryan put his hand on Marissa's arm and she jumped. "Are you gonna be okay?" he asked her in a low voice that she knew meant 'I'm here if you need me' and made her feel a thousand times better.

"Yeah, I got it," she nodded, wanting him to stay, but knowing he couldn't. "Thanks."

"Marissa, your boyfriend wants to help us," Connor sneered.

They ex-lovers shared a knowing glance, and then Marissa reached out to grab Connor as he started to stumble. "Go," she instructed Ryan as she helped Connor off in the direction of her own car.

Ryan watched until they were out of sight to turn and take his keys from the valet. Macy was already in the car, her head resting on the window, looking distracted and exhausted. Truth be told, he wasn't feeling all that vivacious, either. But he had a feeling, after the events of this evening, he wasn't going to be able to find sleep any time soon.


	11. Iconic Television Couple

"So?" Summer sidled up to Julie, who was standing alone near the dance floor as the party started winding down.

Julie spoke without looking at her junior accomplice. "Taken care of. On both fronts. Robert is making Macy an offer she can't refuse and Connor is coming to Sunday brunch tomorrow at the club," she took a drink and then turned to Summer. "Give me until tomorrow evening, and both Ryan and Marissa will be aching for each other."

Summer screeched and then cleared her throat and lowered her voice. "You are just like the mom I never had," she giggled. "Thank you so much for everything," she added.

Julie gave the girl a warm smile. "Believe me, Summer, it is my pleasure."

Their self-congratulatory silence was interrupted by Seth, looking downcast and dejected. "I'm leaving," was all he said before turning and heading for the door. It had been a long night and he was now sure that they had ruined everything.

Summer ran to catch up with him. By the time they got to the parking lot, she realized she was still running. In front of the Range Rover, she took his arm and pulled him to a stop. "Why are we running, Cohen? What's your deal?"

He turned, a fire in his eyes that she hadn't seen in a long time – at least not directed at her. "What's my deal, Summer? My deal is that, after that brilliant plan we executed in there tonight, my best friend is never going to talk to me again. And there is a good chance that we have also managed to force him back into the realm of the face-punching and the gut-kicking, as well," he rattled before turning and getting into the car.

He hadthe engine runningbefore Summer realized that he wasn't going to open her door. Seth was really upset – she had a feeling he might want to leave her there to find her own way home. And there was no way she was going to let that happen. Climbing into the passenger's seat, she turned to her boyfriend and put a hand on his arm, preventing him from peeling out of the parking lot. "Relax, Cohen. When Ryan and Marissa are back together again, he'll be fine. He'll be practicing his apologies for sure."

Seth just rolled his eyes and pulled out onto the street. "I don't know." He had been thinking about it all night, and now he was fairly certain that her plan was going down the toilet pretty fast. Not even her cleavage in that dress could deter him now. "I think our sweet, well-meaning little covert op took a horribly wrong turn somewhere. We have crossed to the dark side, Summer, and I think," he stopped, gathering his thoughts. "I don't know, maybe our harmless attempt at do-gooding has morphed into a Vader-like atrocity."

Summer settled back in her seat. Seth was not that hard to sway, when she put her mind to it. "What are you talking about?" She reached out for him again, but he pulled his arm away. "It's perfect. Everything is almost perfect."

"Why is this such a big deal to you anyway?"

She sighed and leaned her elbow against the window. "We have been over this a million times."

Seth signaled, turned left, and then let his eyes drift toward her while keeping a keen eye on the road before him. "Yeah, I know the whole "balanced universe" garbage you keep spewing. But there is more to this than that and we both know it." She shook her head. "Come on, Summer. Cough it up." He was tired of playing the games, following her with no questions asked. He was tired of her lying in order to manipulate him. She probably thought she was being all stealth, but he knew. He always knew.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Summer," he said, his voice jumping in anger.

"Fine," she pouted, crossing her arms. Her face fell and she reverted to that place she always went when he was forcing her to talk about something she didn't want to talk about. "Look, every relationship I have ever trusted as stable, has ended badly. My mom and dad. Coop's mom and dad. Dawson and Joey," she rambled.

"Marissa and Ryan?"

She nodded and then turned, crossing her legs and waving her arms as she spoke urgently. "They're different. They always work it out. They fight like mad, but they work it out and they're happier than they were before things fell apart in the first place." She put a hand on Seth's thigh. "Don't you get it, Cohen?" Her voice was small, vulnerable. "They are my only hope that ever couple doesn't have to end in a horrible, ugly death."

She was so sincere, so intent on making him agree. "Summer," he covered her hand with his own. "That is so – what's the word I'm looking for?" He eased the car into her driveway while he thought it over. Once the vehicle was in "park," he turned and his eyes lit up. "The word is – oh, I know – fuckin' ridiculous! Not to mention incredibly unfair."

Taking her hand back, her face twisted in aggravation. "What? How is that in any way supportive boyfriend talk?"

He turned his body in the seat to face her. "It's not. I'm sorry, but I can't keep manipulating our friends just to ease your misguided insecurities." He thought she might cry, so he softened his approach. Just because he didn't agree with her, it didn't mean he had to try to hurt her, right? "Listen, Ryan is my best friend. And Marissa is yours. They are not iconic television characters who get their happily-ever-after written for them by some over-paid writer's imagination. They have to make their own choices, be responsible for their own happiness, not yours. You can't expect them to watch out for things they have no control over, i.e. you're faith in love."

Summer sat quietly for a long moment, staring out the window and blinking back tears. "I hate it when you're right," she admitted, sniffling and wiping her cheeks. Turning back, she smirked. "Good thing it doesn't happen that often, huh?"

Seth smirked and then thought better of defending himself. "I love you, Summer."

She smiled and leaned over to kiss him. "I know," she smiled against his mouth. When she pulled back, she placed her hands on either side of his face. "Promise me we get to be one of those iconic couples who get the happily-ever-after?"

Seth kissed her again. "Definitely. We'll be just like. . ."

"Stop." Summer put her finger over his lips.

"What?" Seth asked with wide eyes. "We were having a moment."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I know. But I know you, Cohen, and you were about to make a comic book reference that I wouldn't be able, or want to understand. And then I look dumb and you look like a big geek." She ran her thumb over his lip. "Just kiss me?" she asked with wide eyes.

"Fair enough," Seth answered just before she lunged into his arms across the gear shift.


	12. The Twilight Zone

_A/N: Thanks again for all the great reviews and support. You guys are really keeping me on track with the updates! At the rate I'm going, I figure I should have the story finished by the end of the week, maybe sooner. So please, keep the encouragement coming, and spread the word! I'm getting kind of addicted to this fan fiction thing – I already have an idea in mind for the next story. :)_

Sunday morning dawned bright and brilliant for Julie Cooper. Her life was good, really. She was married to a multi-millionaire, lived in a gargantuan mansion, and had two beautiful, brilliant daughters. As she shuffled out of bed and jumped into the shower, she smiled at the thought of Marissa and the events that today would hold. She wondered, as the warm watered cascaded over her shoulders, if her princess had any idea that today was the day her life would change for the better.

Sure, she could be manipulative, if she had to be. But Julie had learned that sometimes life did give her lemons, and the only way to make lemonade was to squeeze the bastards until they bled. And once Marissa was back with Ryan, with someone they could both tolerate, she would thank her mother for all of her persistence.

She was humming a happy tune by the time she towel-dried her wet hair and slid into a Juicy sweat suit, the sweet smells of breakfast were wafting through the house. That was strange – the cook didn't usually work on weekends.

Rounding the corner, Julie stopped and stared at the sight in her kitchen. Marissa, dressed in a bathrobe, wet hair in a ponytail, was listening to her IPod and flipping pancakes on the griddle. She was fairly certain that she had never, in eighteen years, seen her daughter cook anything but macaroni.

Marissa lifted two more fluffy pancakes from the pan on the stove and set them on a plate before turning down the burner. The bacon was finished, the oranges had been run through the juicer, and the little light on the waffle iron had just come on. As she extracted the last piece of her perfect breakfast for two, she looked up to see her mother, mouth agape, on the other side of the counter. "Morning, Mom," she smiled.

Julie seemed too perplexed to form words. "What the hell?" was all that came out when she finally found her voice.

Marissa just smiled and began moving containers of jam, syrup, powdered sugar, and butter to the dining room table. "It's breakfast," she said finally.

Shaking her head, Julie regained her composure. "Honey, that's very thoughtful of you, but we're supposed to be meeting Connor for brunch at the club in a few hours."

Connor. Right. "Um, we're not meeting Connor today," Marissa informed her mom.

Julie moved toward the kitchen, not really sure if it was safe to enter. There was a great possibility that she would be sucked into the twilight zone if she crossed the threshold, but she would take her chances. "Marissa, I know that you think I'm trying to sabatoge your relationship, but. . ."

"Mom," Marissa interrupted, standing in the kitchen with two empty plates and two sets of silverware in her hands. "Connor and I broke up last night. Again. For good." She moved to the dining room and then back. "Are you gonna want juice or coffee or both?"

Now she had moved past confusion, to whatever was beyond. "I'm sorry?" In the list of maternal things to say, that seemed like the best. But this wasn't heartbroken Marissa, or hateful Marissa. This was someone Julie wasn't sure she had ever met. The look on her daughter's face was almost, well, happy.

"I thought you'd be glad," Marissa shot, pouring a cup of coffee and handing it to her mom, who was now leaning against the kitchen counter. She assumed it was to keep from falling over.

Julie thought about denying, but then bit her tongue. It would be transparent if she said she wasn't thrilled. "What happened? You guys seemed happy last night."

"That wasn't happy," Marissa smiled, sipping from her orange juice. "That was drunk. At least, Connor was drunk." She leaned against the refrigerator and spoke as though she and her mother had these conversations all the time. "I drove him home, he passed out, and I had a talk with his mom. She told me that he's going back to Pacific, that he doesn't feel comfortable at Harbor." Her mother didn't react. "I thought you would be happy or something."

Shrugging, Julie finally took a drink of her coffee. It was cinnamon, her favorite. This girl was starting to scare her. "You don't seem so broken up, either," was all she said. "Coffee's good," she added.

Marissa smiled at the compliment. "I don't love him," she said simply. "And I was trying to turn him into something he wasn't."

"Ryan?" Julie asked.

Nodding, Marissa opened the refrigerator and tabled her orange juice in favor of a water bottle. "I spent the night out on the beach, in my car, thinking about stuff. And I think I had an epiphany."

Julie laughed. "An epiphany, huh?" She looked into the dining room, at the elaborate spread, all surrounding a beautiful bouquet of wild orchids. "And that produced truly amazing flowers and a whole lot of carbs?"

Marissa's smile faded a little bit as she drank from her water and then led her mom into the dining room. This wasn't going to be easy. And for a split second, she thought about bailing. But it was necessary, and she had come too far to back out now. "Can we talk, Mom? Just you and me?"

Eyeing the table and then her daughter, she shrugged. "Is that not what we're doing?"

Marissa's shoulders sagged a bit. "I mean, can I tell you some stuff and you really listen to me? No time limits, no interference, no lies? Just you and me? Like mother and daughter stuff?"

Julie's iced heart melted in her chest. She had long since given up on the thought of any mother/daughter time with Marissa – she was sure that she would have to wait for Caitlyn to enter high school for that bonding to happen. Pulling out a chair, she sat before one of the plates and then beamed back at her daughter. "Let's talk," she said.

Marissa moved hastily to the other side of the table and sat, shoveling pancakes, waffles, and bacon onto her plate. "Thanks for this."

"Anytime, Sweetie," Julie assured her, taking her own limited amount of starches from the plates before her. This wasn't a part of her diet, but Marissa had worked so hard. "So, what was this epiphany that you had?"

After chewing the bite of waffle in her mouth, Marissa looked up and pushed the flower vase aside to meet her mother's eye. Maybe it wouldn't be as hard as she thought it would be. "Well, I just think," she stopped and took another drink of water to gather her courage. A shot of vodka would be nice, but that wasn't part of the new, improved, "epiphanied" Marissa. "I feel like I owe some people some serious apologies, and I think I need to start with you."

She could barely swallow the coffee in her throat. Julie sputtered and then took a deep breath. "Me? For what?"

Another smile. Marissa was flashing that thousand-watter left and right. It was enough to make her mother happy and suspicious all at the same time. "I have been pissed at you for so long," she said honestly, watching her mother's face fall. "And last night I realized how unfair that is."

"Well, since we're being honest, Marissa, I've done some pretty selfish things," Julie admitted. And the honesty actually made her feel a little better.

Especially when Marissa shook her head and put her fork onto her plate. "True," she agreed, but went on. "But love's not just about the good times, when you let me have my way and give me what I want, Mom. It's about the bad, too – about enduring and persevering," she said with a wisdom far greater than her own eighteen years. She leaned forward on her elbows and held her mother's eyes in her own. "All I have ever wanted from you, Mom, was to know you loved me even when my jewelry didn't exactly go with my dress, or even if my boyfriend was from Chino."

The plea for love made Julie's heart break. Did she really believe that her mother didn't love her? Could that be true? "Marissa," she started to ensure the girl that her motivation had always been love.

But Marissa wasn't ready to listen yet. "It's okay, Mom," she said, reaching across the table to touch Julie's hand. She hadn't meant to, thought they would get into some kind of fight, but Marissa really felt like she needed a hand to hold, and she wanted that hand to be her mother's. "It's just who you are. And I realized, last night on the beach, that if I am going to expect that from you, I have to give you the same." Julie nibbled on a piece of bacon with her free hand and thought about the appropriate words at a time like this. That's when Marissa spoke the words that Julie Cooper had been waiting to hear her entire life – from anyone. "If you never change, Mom, I am going to love you anyway."

The tears began to flow down Julie's cheeks before she could stop them. She wanted to stop them. If Marissa was mad at her, then Julie could blame her for the temper tantrums, the drinking binges, and the shop lifting. She could focus her energy on the bad seed that her daughter had become, and she didn't have to focus on the manipulative bitch that she herself had turned into somewhere between Riverside and Newport Beach. "Um," she started.

But Marissa just let go of her hand, walked around the table, and knelt at the side of her chair. "I'm not promising I'm never gonna get pissed at you again or anything. But I promise no more silent treatment, and no more acting out." And then she wrapped her arms around Julie's neck and hugged her, tight.

Julie hugged back until she thought her arms might break. She had never held on to anyone so tightly – never wanted to keep hanging on so badly in her life. "Marissa, I don't know what to say," she stuttered. It was a lot to wrap her head around – a complete about-face in one night? Was she still dreaming? Maybe she would wake up and find Marissa naked, in bed with Connor or Alex or one of the others.

Marissa pinched her shoulder, as if she could read her mind. "Then don't say anything. We don't have to be best friends or anything. We don't even have to spend hours shopping together or pretending that we're a happy family like the Cohens," she smiled, standing and going back to her side of the table. "I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for how I've been acting the last couple of," she stopped, considered, and then laughed, "well, years. But I promise that I will be easier to live with from now on. Or I will try to be, at least."

Julie tried to process the events of the morning, but she just couldn't. Thirty minutes ago, she was running through the topics of conversation that she was sure would break Connor and Marissa up, and now she was accepting an apology from her daughter. And she knew, deep down in a place she kept buried and hidden, that she didn't deserve the forgiveness Marissa was offering. "Sweetie, why don't you go get some sleep? I'll clean this up."

Marissa started to protest, but then stood, dropping a kiss on her mother's cheek before moving quickly out of the dining room and toward the stairs. When Connor's mom had begged her to stop leading the boy on, to just break up with him if she didn't feel the same about him as he did about her, she had gone defensive. But when Priscilla Matthews gave her a hug, told her that she would never be happy until she let go of the bitterness and anger that she held on to, and started to extend, and accept, forgiveness, she felt like an anvil had been lifted from her soul.

She had driven to the beach, spent the rest of the night figuring out all of the people that she was angry with, or who were angry with her. She made a list, now tucked safely inside the diary on her dresser, and then formed a game plan of how to make things right with all of them. Her mom had been first on the list, and that seemed to go pretty well. Now all she had left was Luke, Seth, Summer, her dad, Caleb, and Ryan. Maybe not in that order.

She cast a look at her tired reflection. Summer would forgive her for wiggin' – no questions asked. And Seth would be fine, if Summer was. Her dad would probably weep with her over the phone and tell her that he had already forgotten the hell she put him through, and Luke would shrug it off. He would probably even say he deserved it. Caleb was a bit of a wild card – he could go either way. But Marissa was learning that the response to her true confessions wasn't important at all – well, not much. What was important was saying the things that she had kept bottled up inside for so long, letting them go for good.

And nobody deserved a longer, more sincere apology than Ryan.

_A/N: This chapter turned out to be a little fluffier than I had originally intended. But I felt like, in order to redeem Marissa to myself, she needed to learn something and grow. Sorry if it made you nauseous or anything._


	13. I Almost Love You

"I brought lunch," Ryan announced as he made his way into the kitchen of the Cohen house on Sunday afternoon.

Kirsten looked up from the stack of bills she was perusing. "Hey," she said in surprise, taking the bags from his hands and searching through the deli sandwiches for one she might like. "I thought you were studying at Macy's today," she said when she found the vegetarian sub with her name on it.

Ryan shrugged and sat on a barstool at the end of the counter. "I was going to. But she had some meeting with her dad this morning? And she wasn't home yet when I got over there," he explained.

Sandy entered and clapped his hands together. "What's that smell?"

Kirsten handed him the meatball sub and accepted his quick kiss. "Ryan brought lunch from Vanetti's."

With a smile at his surrogate son, Sandy opened the paper and allowed the scent to fill his nostrils. "Oh, I love meatballs from Vanetti's." He looked through the cupboard for a plate and offered one to Kirsten. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be at Macy's? Studying for finals or something?"

Ryan's shoulders sagged a little bit further. "She wasn't home from that thing with her dad yet," he explained, taking the cheese steak sandwich that Kirsten offered.

"I thought you had a key," she said, distractedly doctoring her sandwich with condiments from a drawer in the kitchen island.

He didn't know how they managed to get him to talk about things he would never normally discuss, but Ryan knew this was his safe place – these were his parents. He could tell them anything, right? "She's usually pretty amped after she talks to her dad, so I thought I would give her a little space. Let her cool before I go back over."

Before either Cohen could comment, Seth entered the kitchen. He was sporting a goalie's helmet, catcher's vest, boxing gloves, and huge swim fins, his eyes darting around the kitchen. Kirsten nearly choked on her lunch, while Sandy moved toward his over-protected son. "Um, Seth?" was all he could manage to say.

Seth made jerky movements as he turned his head from one family member to the next. "Shh. Don't reveal the secret identity until I'm sure that's him," he pointed toward Ryan with one gloved hand.

"Who?" Kirsten asked, looking at Ryan and then taking another gulp of water. "Ryan?"

"Son, have you been hitting the reefer?"

Seth pushed the mask up on his head as smoothly as he could in mittens, and gave his father a hard look. "Dad, don't say "reefer" ever again," he scolded and then looked back at Ryan, who had cracked the beginnings of an amused grin. "I just wanted to be sure that you were understanding, hopefully forgetful, mildly passive-aggressive Ryan. But I thought I'd be prepared for belligerent, holds-a-grudge, likes the punching and ass-kicking Ryan, as well," he explained.

Ryan leaned over the edge of the island to look Seth over completely. "And you were gonna do what, if I did hit you? Humiliate yourself at the hospital?"

Seth rolled his eyes. "It's the only protective gear I could find in the garage."

"Seth, you're wearing flippers," Kirsten stated the obvious as though it were ridiculous.

He nodded and pulled the boxing gloves off to retrieve the last sandwich from the back. His steps were long and measured as he lifted his legs high to move the flippers. "I didn't know if there would be a need to make a speedy getaway. A proper fighter is always prepared, right? Might have needed to hide out under water, make a fish-like swim for it?"

"What? Around the pool?" Ryan asked, nearly laughing now.

Seth rolled his shoulders and took a bite of the turkey sub. "Fear causes one to be a bit irrational, ya know? So what's the deal, man? Are you still pissed or can I take this thing off now?" He pulled at the heavy vest.

Nodding, Ryan took another bite of his sandwich. "We're fine, dude," he said, standing with his sandwich in hand. "I'm gonna go call Macy, see if she's home yet," he informed, heading toward the back door to the poolhouse. Before he exited, he turned back. "You do know the cup goes under your pants, right?"

Seth looked down, gave his friend, and his parents, a withering look, and then went back to his sandwich as Ryan slid the door shut behind him.

Truth be told, he couldn't stay mad at Seth for long. It was just like his bond with Trey, only moreso. Seth was his brother, even if they didn't use the term. If anyone was looking out for his best intentions, it was Seth. As easily manipulated as he could be by Summer, the kid always came through in the end. He was one of the three people that Ryan knew he could count on in the world.

He entered the poolhouse, sat his sandwich on the counter, and then moved toward his bed to call Macy. He was distracted by an envelope with her curly handwriting. "I love you, Ryan," was all it said.

His heart dropped into his stomach. What had he done? What had Robert Campbell done? He knew it was bad news before he even opened the thick stationery and pulled out the carefully written letter. A letter? He sank to the bed and started to read.

_Ryan,_

_I'm so sorry I couldn't do this in person, but I'm in a huge hurry and I have to make this as quick as possible. I need hours to tell you everything I'm feeling, but since I don't have that, I hope I can say everything I need to say. Now I'm just being ridiculously redundant in an attempt to delay the inevitable. Can you tell?_

_This morning's meeting with my father did not go as expected. He didn't yell or lecture. In fact, he offered me a job. He's building an new orphanage and he wants me to oversee the construction, and the start up. It's a great opportunity, and as much as I hate to work for him, I don't think I can pass it up. Before you get too upset, or think me a complete idiot, I do realize that he's just trying to send me away so that we won't see each other. But you know how I've always wanted to go to Thailand, with the jungles, and the people, and the cultures. I don't know how I could say "no." Frank is going to take over for me at The Bait Shop, and my father's going to buy out my lease on the bungalow. I'm going to take a semester off of school while I'm away, and then I'll decide when I'm going to go back after the orphanage is up and running._

_I know this must seem like the most sudden thing in the world to you, it kind of was for me, too. But I'll be honest – after last night, at the charity thing – I wasn't really surprised. Not because my father didn't like you – after our meeting this morning, I'm convinced quite the opposite. He says that once you've completed your architecture degree, he'd love to have you on board. He thought you had some very interesting ideas during your conversation. Maybe he's lying, who can tell anymore, right?_

_I'm going to stop trying to be all cutesy now and just say answer the question I know is on your mind. "What about us?" Please don't think that leaving you will be easy for me. I wanted us to work so badly. I really wanted to love you. But in crashed the real world, ya know? And all the delusions of grandeur we had been operating under came crashing down on top of me, leaving me amongst the rubble of a stinging reality. (See, you're not the only poetic one here.) I saw the truth last night, Ryan, and it wasn't all that appealing._

_Since the day I met you, I have been trying to tell myself that we were perfect for each other. But the reality is that we are almost perfect. I'm almost everything you need and you're almost everything that I want. But, at that party, I saw the real Ryan Atwood. I saw the guy who belongs in Newport Beach, no matter how much he claims he doesn't. I saw the guy who likes those parties a little more than he's willing to admit. And I saw the guy who loves his family and his friends too much to leave them behind. And I saw the slight hesitation of a guy who kinda wants a girl who likes to dress up in fancy clothes and make up and enjoy those parties with him._

_I'm not that girl, Ryan. I'm the girl who is now one hundred percent certain that she doesn't belong in Newport Beach. I'm the girl who wants to spend the next six months in Asia, sleeping on dirt floors, not caring if I get to shower, giving kids a great place to stay while they wait for a home like yours. I'm the girl who felt the pull today, the desire, for someone who could drop everything right now to do the same thing. You're not that guy._

_Please don't take this to mean that you don't have an incredibly special place in my heart. I've never met anyone quite like you, Ryan, and I will never forget that. But I didn't love you, and I don't think I would have, even if I had stayed in Orange County. We were safe – easy, even. That's not the stuff of great romance. Great romance is risk, and work, and compromise. Great romance is the angst that we both try so hard to avoid, and the great sense of accomplishment when you overcome it all, together. I have no doubt you will find your great romance, the love of your life (if you haven't already) and you will live happily-ever-after. I will, too._

_I wish it could have been with you. I'll miss you, Ryan Atwood. At night, when I can't sleep, I'll think of your poetry, and I'll smile. When I see some kid who thinks he's tough enough to not care that his parents have abandoned him, I'll think of your twinkling eyes and I'll give him an extra-tight hug. And when I'm suffering through bug bites, all dirty from not showering, and I'm so tired I want to give up, I'll think of your silent strength, the way you hold me when I'm not strong enough, and I'll be grateful that I had a chance to be almost perfectly happy at least once in my life._

_Macy_

He read the letter three more times, put it back in the envelope, and reached for the telephone. As he dialed, he smiled one last time for the almost love of his life.


	14. Start With Food

Who would have thought that the kid from Chino would someday consider the beach his favorite place in the world? He hadn't even seen it until he moved in with the Cohens, and now it felt likeRyan's home away from home. He felt connected to the sandy shores every time he watched the waves come crashing in, leaving their impression, and then rolling back out again.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," Marissa exclaimed in a rush as she stopped next to where he was standing at the water's edge, studying the latest indentation on the beach front.

He smiled and gave her a sideways glance. "I was beginning to think you stood me up," he said with a hint of brevity. He had considered drinking Macy good-bye, in the bungalow. But when he got there, and she wasn't around, it all seemed pitiful and pathetic. He called Seth, but he was going out with Summer. And the only other person he could think of to hang with was Marissa. She had jumped at the chance to meet him on the beach, just to hang out.

"I, um," she pushed her hair behind her ears nervously. All of the strength she had conjured on the way to the beach from her house was seeping out her fingertips and toes, rolling out with the latest tide. "I was on the phone with my dad," she whispered.

This was ridiculous. He had invited her, and for what? To stand here like complete strangers? "You wanna go get some dinner?" he asked, his hands in his pockets.

Marissa swallowed hard and gathered her courage. "Can we just talk first? I mean, there's something I need to say, and it's not exactly the easiest thing in the world, and if I stop to eat first, I may never get back to it."

She planted herself in the sand, still mumbling something under her breath. In his mind, Ryan could see her reaching for the bottle of whatever stolen liquor was in her purse. But she didn't do it. She just hugged her knees to her chest and waited for him to join her. Something about a scared Marissa gave him a purpose he hadn't known he was missing.

He sat and Marissa breathed in his scent in the air. It was clean and masculine and uniquely Ryan. She spoke without looking at him, knowing that one glance at his baby blues and her courage would be gone. "Last night, when I said that we weren't friends, I lied." She bit her lip and then continued. "You are my best friend, Ryan. You are the definition of "best friend," the way you never turn your back on me, even when I try to push you out. And you still remember my favorite things, even when we spend a lot of time apart. You know me better than anybody, and you love me anyway. And I am so sorry that I have been so unfair to you." She seemed to gain confidence as she spoke.

"Where is this coming from?" Last night she had been so hopeless, shattered. Now she was put together and speaking as though she were a completely different person.

She turned and met his eye. "Call it an epiphany," she smiled.

Ryan returned the smile, warming at the peaceful look in her eye. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen her like that, not fully. Sure, she had been happy when they were together in the pool house, or even out with Seth and Summer. But she never looked content. "Epiphany looks good on ya," he said without thinking.

The compliment was like none she had ever received. "Feels pretty good, too."

The silence that followed this time wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was familiar, a safe place for each of them. "So, how does Connor feel about this whole new Marissa?"

She cleared her throat. She could launch into the whole story, but it didn't seem like the time. _Keep your eyes on the goal, Coop. You are not here to get back together with Ryan. You are here to make things right. _"We broke up last night." He didn't really respond. "He's going back to Pacific. I guess he doesn't feel like he belongs in this world," she added.

Ryan felt all of his inhibitions slipping. She was still Marissa, and he had no reason to feel weird around her. "Seems to be going around," he whispered.

"What?" Marissa turned to hear him better against the breaking of the new tide. The look on his face was one of sadness, emptiness, and abandonment. Without much thought, her arm slid around his shoulder in a gesture of reassurance. As if her day hadn't been weird enough, rehashing all of her heinous thoughts and deeds, now her world was turned completely on its ear.

Ryan was her rock, the one she turned to when she was falling apart, when she needed encouragement. He was the one that she ran to when nothing else made sense. And now he was the one with the "lost little boy" face, and she was letting him lean. For the first time since she had met him, Marissa felt like their relationship could be mutual. Maybe she had the ability to be as strong for him as he was for her.

"Ryan, I didn't come here to get you back. I know you're happy now, with Macy, and I can live with that. I just wanted to be sure that you know that I get it now. I know what I did to you, how I treated you, and I'm sorry. I did what I could to make you what I needed, and I never gave a second thought to what you needed from me."

He reached over and took her hand in his. He wanted to tell her not to worry about it, to bring back that smile she'd given him a minute ago. But that wasn't what this was about, was it? "Thank you," was all he said.

She tightened her grip, the desire to hang on to his hand forever clawing at her from inside. He let go, though, and stood. "Where are you going?" she asked, the absence of his presence leaving her cold against the night air.

Extending a hand, Ryan pulled her to her feet and rubbed her shoulders. "You wanna get some food now?"

"Are we done?" She didn't want to be done. She didn't want to be with anyone else. She didn't want to go to a diner or a restaurant where she would have to share him with anyone else, where just anyone could walk in and interrupt them.

Ryan shrugged. "I just thought you were cold," he said simply. He started to walk toward their cars, but then stopped and turned back around. "Macy's gone," he said.

Marissa looked around – where did that come from? "Gone where?"

He stuffed his hands into his pockets again and looked around, speaking to the night sky. "Thailand. Her father's building an orphanage and she's going to oversee it." Marissa's eyes grew wide. "Signed, sealed, and delivered all in one morning," he laughed and shook his head. "And I feel like I should be heart broken or something, but I'm not. I mean, I miss her, but I don't feel like my world's gonna end. Is that wrong?"

Marissa fought the smile bubbling up inside of her. Was it okay to be happy about this? Was that something the new Marissa should feel? _Screw it_, she thought to herself. She was happy. "I don't think so. I mean, I kinda feel the same about Connor, ya know? Like it's sad because it is somebody that you cared about, but. . ."

"You couldn't love him," Ryan finished for her, meeting her eye in a hard gaze. His hands moved from his pockets and reached for hers. "Because you still love me," he stated. "I mean, we. We still love each other," he stammered.

Marissa felt the lump in her throat. "Yeah," was all she could say around the tears. She rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb. This wasn't what she was looking for, but she wasn't going to turn it away, either.

"I just don't know if I can do this again. Us. I need some time," he told her, his hand moving to her cheek.

Leaning her face to his touch, she bit her lip and nodded. "I get that. I don't like it, but I get it," she admitted with a smile.

His lips turned up, just the slightest bit. "You wanna go get food now?"

"This could end badly," Marissa warned as she followed him up the beach.

He shrugged. "I think, if you make sure to chew each bite at least ten times, I think we just might make it through."

"That's not what I meant," she rolled her eyes.

He opened the door of the Range Rover for her and waited until she was securely in the seat to lean against the open window. "Let's just worry about dinner for now."

She watched him walk around the front of the vehicle. This honesty thing wasn't so bad after all.


	15. Order Restored

In Ryan Atwood's opinion, lunch was the worst part of his Harbor School days. But he had to admit, things had been better of late. There had been no table-searching for weeks now, only a two-minute scan of the crowd for whatever spot Marissa had saved him. That was reason enough to date her again, wasn't it?

"I'm just saying," Seth was speaking rapidly as he and Ryan located their friends under a tree on the lawn and moved toward them. "Now that you and Marissa are back together, we should all do something – maybe a road trip? Or, Ryan, how 'bout a slumber party? Huh? That could be fun, right? Marissa and Summer in cute little pj's, snuggling under the covers while we watch horror movies and eat junk food?"

Ryan gave him the best "Atwood Glare" he could muster and shrugged. "Not really sure Marissa and I are to the "road trip" stage yet."

But Seth shook his head. "Dude, it's been, like, three weeks. That's, what? Like,co-habitation on the Atwood-Cooper Relationship Timeline."

Ryan wasn't so sure. Things were going well, they were enjoying being together, but slower felt right this time, and he wasn't sure he was ready to accelerate things just to make Seth happy. In fact, he was fairly certain that he wasn't ready to do anything just to make Seth happy. "It was," he agreed as they got closer to the girls. "But it's just different this time. We're. . ."

"Takin' it slow, I know," Seth rolled his eyes. "It's like a broken record, my friend. You say it every time. I give it a week, maybe less, until you're shoppin' for some new pajama pants."

They arrived at the tree where Marissa and Summer were seated, giggling about something together. "Hey," Marissa greeted with a smile as Ryan sank to the ground beside her and she kissed his cheek. The smile he gave her in return was enough to melt Marissa's internals. "So, what are you guys talking about?" she asked.

Seth sat next to Summer, who promptly stole a French fry from his lunch tray. "We were planning a perfect double date," he said.

Summer rolled her eyes and drank from her water bottle. "It doesn't involve movies about super heroes, does it?"

Ryan and Marissa smirked at the mock look of humor on Seth's face. "Ah, ha, ha," he exaggerated. "You guys, Summer's funny now," he addressed his friends.

She smacked him in the gut and then jumped to her feet. "I'm going to get dessert," she announced, turning to leave. She took three steps and then turned back around. "Cohen?"

With a mouthful of his cheeseburger, Seth looked up and waved a hand. "Nah, thanks, Summer. I think this'll probably fill me. . ." he trailed off as she put her hand on her hip and motioned with her head. "Right, you want me to come with you so Ryan and Marissa can be alone." He gathered his sandwich in his hand and followed willingly.

"I brought you pretzels," Ryan said as the two started to walk away.

"Awe, thanks," Marissa took the bag and leaned over to kiss Ryan. She loved being able to kiss him when she wanted, to be a couple again. "You're so sweet."

Out of ear shot, Summer stopped again and turned back to watch her best friend smile at something Ryan was saying. "See? My plan wasn't so tragic, was it?"

A weird feeling of voyeurism swept over him every time he saw a public display of affection that didn't involve him and Summer, so he looked away, blushing and addressed his girlfriend. "Sure, Summer, it's great. Except this wasn't so much you're doing as it was Julie Cooper's," he reminded, turning her in the direction of the dessert cart once again. "If she hadn't convinced Macy's dad to send her out of the country, she and Ryan would still be making with the "couplies" today. And," he raised a finger as if to accentuate his point, "she also took care of the Connor thing, if I remember correctly. She was the one who convinced his parents to send him back to Pacific, was she not?"

The "rage blackout" look was creeping back into Summer's eyes and she gave herself an inward pat on the back when Seth visibly shivered. "It was all my idea," she said, smiling proudly. "I was the brains on this one, Cohen."

His shoulders sagged in defeat. "I'm not gonna win this argument, am I?"

"Oh, I think we're all winners in this one." She turned and faced the tree again, her heart soaring as Marissa fed Ryan a pretzel and then kissed him again. They were too cute. "Look at them," she pointed, and then put her hand over her heart.

Seth purchased a pudding cup and then turned Summer back to face him, one hand on her shoulder, the other gripping his dessert. "I guess you were right, huh?"

She beamed at the acknowledgement and then narrowed her gaze, studying his eyes. "Are you just saying that to get laid?"

With a shake of his head, he denied the accusation and then smiled. "Yeah, kinda."

Summer laughed and threw her arms around his neck. "I guess you're learning, huh, Cohen?" She kissed him and then pulled back, turning her head to the side to stare into his eyes. "Ya know, I think maybe Coop and Ryan aren't the only ones that are meant to be together."

"Yeah, you think maybe we are, too?" he asked, releasing her waist from his grip and winding his fingers through hers.

Summer smiled happily. "I think maybe," she agreed, satisfied. Life was back to good. She had Seth and Marissa had Ryan. She let out a relaxed sigh of relief. The universe was balanced again. The natural order of her world was restored. Now all they had to do was make it through finals.

END

_A/N: So, that's it for Hands Down. For those of you who might have made the connection, the title of the story came from a Dashboard song – they're my favorite band ever, and I was listening to their album when I came up with this idea, so I named it after my inspiration. Anyway, it was great fun to write, and to hear from all of you, but I'm afraid you've created a monster. I already have another idea for a new story, so you'll be seeing that very soon - like, by the end of the week, hopefully. I also wanted to let you know that, if you have any ideas for stories you'd like to see, get in touch with me and I'd be glad to tackle them for you. I'm just babbling now, so I'll stop, but thanks for reading. _


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